What is value? What is valuable to you? Many people have different assumptions to what value is. Some people value those moments when you’re a baby and say your first word, or loose your first tooth, your first day of kindergarten, or high school. There are many valuable things in the world. For me, the two things I value most are my cell phone and the beach.
On weekends it’s my life, while on week days it’s just a way of contacting someone. As I finish getting ready I hear the loud vibration that my cell phone is giving. Rihanna’s new single of “live your life” is going off. I quickly run over, see who it is that’s calling me, then flip it open and say “hello.” Wherever I go my cell phone is always at my side. Whether its to the mall, friends, or on long vacations…I always will have it.
My cell phone is decked out. Its nice than many others, equipped with a touch screen, full keypad to open up to, mobile television and web, navigator and blue tooth. It’s a slick black with silver edges: it’s the voyager. Due to not having my cell phone for more than three months I already love it. Compared to others that don’t have half the stuff mine offers it’s pretty good. I don’t know what I would without my cell phone. It allows me to contact people when I am in a rush, or just plain texting people when I am bored.
The car ride is very long and dreadful. Sitting there crammed in a car that’s way over the capacity limit. I am stuck in the way back against the window. It’s not even comfortable to recline seeing there no room as for the beach chairs blankets and boogie boards take up half the car and the roof. One of my families favorite beach is Good Harbor Beach located in Gloucester Ma. My family has been going there ever since I was little, and we enjoy it so much. When we finally arrive there we all grab something to bring and go pick a spot on the beach. We unpack everything then everyone goes off on there own to enjoy the sun and waves.
I open my eyes to the bright sun shinning, and sand between my toes. I slowly get up to see all the kids making sand castles and enjoying the warm water. Seagulls snatching and cawing for food, sea weed and sea shells awaiting you when you enter the water, oh and don’t forget those sharks!
The beach is very valuable to me. I love everything about it. Being able to lie out and soak up the sun, enjoy the refreshing water when it gets too hot, and make works of art in the sand. I love the ice cold Italian ice you can purchase at the concession stand, or all the other scrumptious foods.
With that said, there are many ways to value things. It could be something you value a lot, or something that you value least but is still worth something to you. Also, there are many things to value in the world and many people have different things. As for me it’s my cell phone and the beach. Although the beach and cell phone are completely different things and there’s not really a good way to compare them both, I would have to say they both let me explore. The beach lets me by seeing all the new things in the ocean or in the sand, and my cell phone by searching the web or finding new interesting things it has. These are two things that I value and mean a lot in my life. Those are my cell phone and the beach!
8 comments:
Emily's essay was excellent! What Emily is saying about value is that it is different for everyone. In Emily's essay she most strongly values two things. She strongly values her cell phone and going to the beach.
The object I thought that was most clearly and vividly described was her beach trip. " Seagulls snatching and cawing for food, sea weed and sea shells awaiting you when you enter the water, oh and don’t forget those sharks!" When she said that I got a sense of what was at the beach and what it meant to her. She also described everything that she brought along with her so I got to know what she did at the beach.
In general one of the overall strengths was her description. Throughout the essay I cold picture everything she was talking about. "As I finish getting ready I hear the loud vibration that my cell phone is giving. Rihanna’s new single of “live your life” is going off." In this quote I liked how she told me her ringtone and by that I learned a little about her personality.
One suggestion I have would be to re-read her essay to make sure everything flows. I enjoyed reading Emily's essay a lot. From it I learned what was valuable to her and why it was valuable to her. It was excellent!
Champ! Your essay was wonderful. Emily is trying to say that people value different things. The two things that Emily strongly values are her cell phone and the beach.\
I think the scence of her going to the beach was the more vividly described object she valued. "I open my eyes to the bright sun shinning, and sand between my toes. I slowly get up to see all the kids making sand castles and enjoying the warm water." To me, this scence was very well written and described very well that made me believe I was actually at the beach.
In general, Emily's overall strength in her value essay was her description. She described everything she did so well. "My cell phone is decked out. Its nice than many others, equipped with a touch screen, full keypad to open up to, mobile television and web, navigator and blue tooth. It’s a slick black with silver edges: it’s the voyager." In this quote she does such a good job of describing her phone that I can tell exactly what it looks like.
A suggestion I have to Emily would check her spelling and grammar. "I don’t know what I would without my cell phone." She needs to check her sentences and make sure everything fits together. All in all this was a great essay and I learned a lot from what Emily values.
Emily, I really enjoyed reading your essay. The two things she values most are her cell phone and going to the beach. In her essay she is saying, that each person values something different and in different ways.
When Emily says,"My cell phone is decked out." I get the affect that its nothing usual. It is a very high-tech and a new kind of phone. I can tell she values her phone very much and she says that she never goes anywhere with out it, so I know it plays a huge role in her life.
Overall, her main strength would be description. When she writes she uses a lot of imagery, and this makes it a lot easier to understand and connect to.
One thing I would work on would be to re-read your work better. Other thn that I think she did a wonderful job. Great job Emily!!
Emily’s essay was very good. Her two values are shown right away how much they mean to her. Throughout her essay she described them both very well, and from that I would say that she values them equally, because her phone provides her with entertainment, but the beach with many memories.
A part in Emily’s essay that has great detail, and I enjoyed was, “I open my eyes to the bright sun shinning, and sand between my toes.” This line is very good and descriptive. I can picture this right now, even though I’m clearly not anywhere near a beach. Emily did a very good job describing the beach in her essay.
The strengths in Emily’s essay is clearly her description. Throughout the story of her value essay she brings the essay to live through her awesome description. She starts about her cool new phone, to being in a crammed car, to being relaxed at the beach, to her very important values.
Something that Emily could try improving in her essay would be to go into more depth about maybe a certain day at the beach. Maybe this could get the reader to understand the atmosphere of the place, or what its like. Great job Emily!
The author seems to be saying that value is something that you can't live without. Whether it be a memory from when you were little or a special object, it has some value to you. She says that everything in someones life has value to them even if some have more value than others. Emily most strongly values her trips to the beach and her cell phone the most.
I found that the author most vivdly described her cell phone. She used a lot of detail and description when it came to describing what it looked like, as well as the value it has to her. For example, the author said, "My cell phone is decked out. Its nice than many others, equipped with a touch screen, full keypad to open up to, mobile television and web, navigator and blue tooth. It’s a slick black with silver edges: it’s the voyager." This let me know what type of phone it is, as well as what it looks like. Her description tells me what her phone is capable of doing as well as what she thinks of it.
One of this essays overall strengths was the organization. You could tell when she was switching ideas, or writing a new paragraph. She organized her thoughts in a logical way so that her ideas flowed from one paragraph to the next. For example the two paragraphs regarding her cell phone stay on topic, while describing different things about the phone.
The only thing that I would suggest revising would be to expand on your beach trips. Although it is a broad topic, you could use more details in when describing the scenes. This would help the reader(s) get a better picture of what the beach is like and what is special about your trips to the beach. That is the only thing that I would say you should consider doing. You did a great job with your essay!
Emabes!
In this essay, I could easily pick out what you valued with your good oraganization. I read that you really loved and valued your cellphone and your trips to the beach. I also liked how you questioned and described what value was in your opening paragraph.
I think that you described your cellphone the best because of how you described all of your features and details on it. I felt that I could actually be looking at it or holding it."Equipped with a touch screen, full keypad to open up to, mobile television and web, navigator and blue tooth. It’s a slick black with silver edges: it’s the voyager." I really liked this quote because I felt that it was where I really could picture your phone.
I think that the overall strength in your essay was description because of the imagery you used to decribe both things. Like how you described the sand between your toes, what your ringtone was, or what you saw at the beach.
Though I thought that this was a great essay, the only thing I would maybe think about improving would be some grammar or sentence mistakes. But everyone makes them because I know that I definitely do and I hate rereading. :) Great Job!
Emily is saying that people value things differently then everybody else. For some people, only things with cost are valueable to them. Emily values both things that have cost and dont have cost. In her essay she most strongly values two things. She values going to the beach and her cell phone.
I thought that going to the beach was most vividly described. "Being able to lie out and soak up the sun, enjoy the refreshing water when it gets too hot, and make works of art in the sand." I really liked the way she used specific details to make the essay have imagery. As i was reading Emily's essay, i could get a picture in my head of what she was explaining.
One of the essays overall strength would be how Emily gave many details while describing her two objects. I felt she added a lot of descriptive words. Emily also added a lot of imagery which made her essay flow really nicely.
Even though this essay was really well written, one piece of advice i would give to Emily would be to double check her spelling and grammar. She just made a few mistakes in that area. Other then that her essay was really good !
After reading this essay, I think I can safely say that Emily doesn't choose between valuing an object or an experience. Her reasoning for this and the way that she said it made this a very logical opinion for me to take, too.
For this particular essay, I would have to say that Emily best described her family trips to the beach for two reasons. My first reason is that she gave us both the good and bad sides of the experience, which makes it easier for the reader to relate to. Secondly, she used very interesting adjectives in this section, and I thought that this added to the overall content.
The first and last paragraphs of this essay were by far some of the best ones I have read yet. In them, Emily talks about how different people usally tend to value different things over others. She truly seemed to grasp that concept, and described it nearly flawlessly.
The only thing that I would say that might improve this essay would be that maybe if she could go over it again and make sure that some of her sentences and phrases aren't overly repetitive. That was really good, Emily!
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