For some people this day was rather good, but for others it only ended well. Three people met one another, and helped each other with there problems and obstacles they were facing in there life at the time. It all started on that one Saturday morning in New York City. The central park zoo was just opening up, and the famous Scarlet Ibis was well rested, getting the right amount of food so he would be ready for the rest of the day.
A few blocks away in the neighborhood of 23rd street things didn’t start off as good as the Scarlet Ibis’s. I was sound asleep, when all of a sudden my brother Joe came in and started yelling at me to get up. He pulled all my blankets off the bed, leaving me just lying there.
“Come on you little twerp you have to get up, and make me breakfast.”
Joe wasn’t…hmm let’s say the nicest brother to me. He looked at me as the youngest of my five siblings, and therefore I had to do everything for him as he told me too. I was to lethargic to get up but after he made it clear he would hurt me if i didn't I finally got up to cater to my sibling, once that was done I bathed myself in a cold shower, and got dressed.
“What are you doing today, said Joe”
“I am not sure yet, probably going to go outside to see what Aggie is doing.” and with that I walked outside to see the only person that understood him. Aggie.
As I walked up closer I could already see the tears streaming down Aggie’s face. The fact that she was hyperventilating made me walk faster, getting to her sooner.
“What happened now.” I said
“They did it again” said Aggie. “My father beat me and my mother ran away. My mother went crazy again, she’s on those new pills again, there getting to her. She said she was leaving for good and not to expect her back. My father said it was my entire fault and that when he started to beat me, I tried running but he caught up” This situation is irrevocable.
“That’s it,” I said. “I’m taking you out for the day, well go to the central park zoo, you know… Clear our minds.”
“Sounds like a plan.” sighed Aggie.
It was about five blocks from our little neighborhood on 23rd street to reach the zoo. When they got there, they waited in the bevy to pay the admission of three dollars.
“What do you want to do first?” I said.
I could tell by her countenance facial expression she did not care, but then suggested walking over here to the edifices containing the birds.
As we walked over there, from the corner of my eyes I saw Aggie stop dead in her tracks.
“NO!” from a distance appeared her gaunt mom, walking aimlessly down the pathway. From the semblance of her, it was sure she already had a few in her. We better run, I can’t let her see me. As we ran, we decided to run to the exhibit that had a pink bird. In the mists of Aggie crying I saw the little pallet that read “Alex, the notorious scarlet ibis”. Alex started to walk away from the mangrove he was laying under, and walked toward us.
“What is the matter?” he replied.
“You can talk!” I said.
“ Yes, now come around to the back here and tell me what you crying and running for.”
When we got inside Alex’s little home, where he spent his nights, we sat against the bulwark and told him our story. Aggie went first; she told him everything from her mom being an alcoholic and getting drunk every day. She told him about her father getting mad over her mother leaving and saying it was all Aggie’s fault. Beating her till she couldn’t be beaten anymore. Then I went…I told him about my brother and how I am the smallest and everyone seems to pick on me, make me do everything for them.
“That is terrible” replied Alex. “Let me share with you my story… when I was younger my mother thought the same way your brothers did to you doodle. She thought that I couldn’t keep up with the family when they flew south for the winter, so she left me, high and dry. I didn’t know what to do with my life I always knew I wanted to show case, and then one day a little boy brought me here, it changed my life. Now I get to be what I wanted, I chased my dreams. You guys just need to remember, never give up even if you get broken down so much, chase your dreams and what you love doing, and most of all make sure you have friends that are always there for you, whenever you need it.”
“Wow thank you so much” Aggie and I replied.
“Oh and one more thing… whenever you need someone to talk to, just stop by the zoo and come see me, ill always be here for you guys…remember that.”
That day as we walked home from the zoo we had lots of stuff going through our head, and the fact that I learned a lot today from the benevolent Scarlet Ibis . We learned to never give up in life and chase your dreams even if someone is sorry and suppliant, he also told us to be stalwart; we made a new friend, and have each others backs. So that day when we got home we went into our houses strong, not letting anyone tell us what to do, brake us down, or beat us… ever again.
11 comments:
Authors Notes
1. I would like the reader to know that this story is about knowing and accepting who you are in life. if there are people that give you troubles, or a hard time, then you have to try and move on and find the people who care about you and who will bring you up.
2. What was easy to write in this piece was probably the part when doodles older brother pick on him, and how they go to the zoo and the Scarlet Ibis tells them all his stories and they realize there all going through the same thing and can become friends and talk about there problems to one another.
3. The weakness in my short story would probably be when they see the girls mom at the zoo. I think i need a better reaction to it, and telling what happens to her, expand on it a little more.
4. I think the feedback that would help me the most would be seeing if there any places i could use more dialogue or conversations, my spelling mistakes, or even my sentence structure.
1.)The conflict of the story was internal and external, the beatings were external but they really affected her internally. It was resolved by them talking to the scarlet Ibis, and everything being perfect. I was not totally invested in the ending, it seemed like it ended too perfectly.
2.)I believe that the main character really changed on the inside and became stronger than she was before. i believe thta thee characters big insight was that she needed to change or else the world would have eaten her alive. She needed strength. If she hadn't changed, her situation wouldn't change.
3.)My favorite part of the story was the resolution. I feel like she learned something from her troubles and therefore succeeded. "We learned to never give up in life and chase your dreams;" This is pretty self explainatory. It shows exactly how the character developed.
4.)I think that it is well, but you kind of rushed the begining upon the reader. I might have someone peer read it again to chech for gramatical errors. there were a few things problem atic, thats why im thinking you should re-read it once or twice.
5.) I don't really know what i'd change, maybe just slow the begining out or rephrase it some other way. Other than what i have said, it is a pretty good short story.
1.)The conflict of the story was internal. It was resolved by them talking to the scarlet Ibis, and everything okay. I wasn't a fan of the ending because it wasn't that believeable.
2.)I believe that the main character became stronger than she was before. If she didn't change than everyone would have bothered her. If she didn't change she'd be in the same situation now as she was then. She became a lot stronger.
3.)My favorite part of the story was the resolution. I think that she got a wake up call and realized what was going on in her life. "We learned to never give up in life and chase your dreams;" This sounds like a quote someone would use giving out advice.
Niceee Emilyyy!
4.)I reccommend re-reading your piece. i noticed a lot of grammar mistakes. Other than that i really enjoyed your piece!
5.) I agree with Nick that if i had to change one thing, then i would make the beginning more stretched out!
GOOD JOB EMMM!
The conflict of the story was internal. It was resolved by them talking to the scarlet Ibis, and everything okay.
the main character became stronger than she was before. If she didn't change than everyone would have bothered her. If she didn't change she'd be in the same situation now as she was then. She needed strength and she found it.
My favorite part of the story was the resolution. I feel like she learned something from her troubles, she learned to never give up.
I liked your story it was intertaining but there were a lot of grammar mistakes.
There is not alot to change about your story because it was very good and had every thing that a good story needs but the story does get off fast and i had to re-read the story to understand the hole thing.
The conflict in Emily's story was that two kids had really tough lives of bullying and parental neglect, when they meet a scarlet ibis that they tell all their problems to. This was an external conflict because their situations at home really had nothing to do with them or anything they did. I was pretty interested in this conflict because it seemed really cool that some kids could rely on a magical talking bird to talk to about their problems.
The main characters Aggie and Doodle both change over the course of the story from being shy and pushovers to having more confidence in themselves and towards their families. If this change hadn't occured, then that would have made the story very boring because then they wouldn't have learned anything from talking to the scarlet ibis.
My favorite part of Emily's story was the climax when they met the scarlet ibis. I liked this part because it was like a turning point for Aggie and Doodle's lives by talking to him, and she also described everything really well.
The best quality of the story was that she used the vocabulary words in a way that still made sense with the storyline. I also liked how she was very descriptive and used a lot of good dialogue too.
The theme of this story was to be able to stand up for yourself and don't let other people walk all over you. It also had to do with chasing your dreams and being your own person in life. The theme grew nicely with the story because in the beginning the two kids had nothing going for them, but by the end they were much stronger personality-wise.
The only thing that I would suggest changing is maybe the ending because I felt that the story ended too quuickly to get a real feel for how Doodle and Aggie's lives would be from then on.
1. The conflict of the story is the two friends are sick of being beaten and bossed around by their family. It is an external conflict. It was resolved when the two girls go and talk to the Scarlet Ibis about their problems and he gives them advice about what to do. I was very invested in the conflict and nothing needs to be changed about it.
2. The main characters change over the story goes on because they become courageous. They also start to stick up for themselves and make quick choices. This is important because it is how the characters come across for the resolution of the story. The story would have been different if the characters didn't change because they will still be stuck living their same lives and doing nothing about it.
3. My favorite part of the story was the resolution when the girls decided to change their situation in life. "We learned to never give up in life and chase your dreams;" This quote stood out to me because it shows the girls learned something from talking to the scarlet ibis.
4. The story's best quality is the falling action when the girls are talking to the bird. It is good because you re-learn what happens to the girls. Also, it was well-detailed.
5. The story's theme is to follow your dreams and never give up. This is developed through the story because you learn how bad the girls' lifes are. However, you learn that friends will always be by your side and help you reach your dreams and stand up for yourself.
6. The only thing I would fix are the spelling mistakes. That is it
GREAT JOB EM!! <3
1. The conflict of the story is that the two friends are being abused abd they are trying to find a way to stop it. The conflict was external and it was resolved by them talking to thee scarlet ibis and realizing it is important to never giv up.
2. The main characters change over the story by becoming very brave and facing their problems. The change is important to the story because without it the girls would have never learned that if they dont give up everything will work out.
3. My favorite part of the story was the resolution when the girls dcided to take action and change how they lived. It was all because of the Scarlet Ibis talking to them and giving them advice.
4. The story's best quality is the plot because you give a lot of detail and explain each part very well.
5. The theme of the story is to never give up and that there will always be someone there to help you. The theme develops by the author telling you that it is important never to give up.
6. The only thing that i would fix would be to re-read it and correct the spelling mistakes but other than that it was great!
1. i agree with nick there wer internal and external conflicts. The internal was that the beating affected the chracter inside while the abuse also hurt her on the out side. This was resolved by the chaaracters tlking to the scarlet ibis and it making everything perfect for them.
2. The main character became more confident in herself, over the course of the story. If the character didnt change the they probably still would have been beaten because they hadn't changed.
3. my favorite part of the story was when the scarlet ibis made everything better. This was in the resolution of the story. i feel this way because it was really cool how the scarlet ibis, just made everything perfect for them.
4. i think the story was pretty good but there were a good amount of grammatical errors, and some of the sentences didnt really flow as well as they should have. Also try to make sure there are context clues to hint what the vocab words mean so the reader understands the story better.
5. The main character became more confident in herself, over the course of the story. If the character didnt change the they probably still would have been beaten because they hadn't changed.
6. i agree with nick there wer internal and external conflicts. The internal was that the beating affected the chracter inside while the abuse also hurt her on the out side. This was resolved by the chaaracters tlking to the scarlet ibis and it making everything perfect for them.
1.The greatest change that i made t to my final copy would be my spelling mistakes. a lot of people commented to me to go back and look at what i wrote, and when i did i saw and realized that they were right. also i revise and made my ending a little different. made it sound more realistic and not so perfect.
2. I think the comments helped me out with just the overall things like spelling and grammar. But the peer edit sheet helped me out a lot with the bigger problems,like my ending, and how i apporach somethings in the story.
3.My stories greatest strength would be the overall message that it sends out. It makes you realize that even if you dont have everything going for you,and you struggle to get along with your family members youll always have friends and people out there thatw will build you up in life and help you threw it.
4. The advise thati would give for next year is to not make your story so drastic. Dont make it like your mom dies you drop out of school, you become pregnant, your brother dies...its just makes it seem like unreal or too much..even though it sometimes does happen in real life. Also make sure to double check your work and make sure your spelling and grammar is right and you use complete sentences.
1. hyperventilating (v) to breathe rapidly and deeply. - The fact that she was hyperventilating made me walk even faster.
2. irrevocable (adj.) impossible to change -This situation is irrevocable.
3. gaunt (adj.) accessibly thin - NOO! From a distance appeared her gaunt mom.
4. bevy (n) large group or collection - When they got there they waited in the bevy, to pay the three dollars of admission.
5. benevolent (n) kind -That day as we walked home from the zoo we had lots of stuff going through our head, and the fact that I learned a lot today from the benevolent Scarlet Ibis .
6. notorious (n) fame - Alex, the notorious scarlet ibis.
7. countenance (n) calm facial expression- I could tell by her countenance that she did not care.
8.edifice (n) large structure - walking over here to the edifices containing the birds.
9.lethargic (adj) tired or sluggish - I was to lethargic to get up but after he made it clear he would hurt me if i didn't...
10.stalwart (adj) strong - he also told us to be stalwart
11.semblance (n) form or apperance - From the semblance of her, it was sure she already had a few in her.
12.bulwark (n)solid wall like structure - where he spent his nights, we sat against the bulwark and told him our story.
13.suppliant (adj)humble or seeking fogivness -We learned to never give up in life and chase your dreams even if someone is sorry and suppliant
14.mangrove (n) a tropical tree - Alex started to walk away from the mangrove he was laying under, and walked toward us.
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